Best Tips for dating someone with kids,with pros And cons

dating someone with kids

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There is nothing wrong with dating someone with kids especially when such a person is not in any legal marriage relationship. This relationship is as good as any other, but the only problem with it is the difficulties associated with it. There are some benefits are some benefits. In approaching this kind of relationship, you must be cautious because it cannot be as smooth as dating someone without kids.

The problem has to do with developing a strong tie and relationship with children that are not yours. To build that relationship is difficult for lots of people. If you are in love with somebody with kids and you are finding it hard to start dating such a person, a piece of information available here could help you to start and consolidate such a relationship.

Tips for dating somebody with kids

The major difference between dating somebody with kids and other dates is that the relationship is more than one person. You are not just dating the woman; you are dealing with other people in the process and these are the kids produced by the previous marriage. Because of this, you must be very careful not to injure the feelings of these children. Some kids would prefer that their parents reunite in a marriage and as such are opposed to the idea of marrying another person. Ensure that your partner does everything necessary to carry the kids along. The other party must sit down with the kids and discuss the matter very well so that they can understand what the new relationship is all about and why she or he is entering this new relationship. Kids must be carried along in the process, otherwise, there could be a serious conflict that could lead to marriage failure.

Before you agree to meet the kids at home, you must ensure that you develop a lot of interest with each other and that it is a relationship that is not going to fail. It is necessary to follow the person’s home if the children are very sensitive about the matter. You better date and meet outside the house until you can understand each other and each that these kids are taken along the project.

Take your time

You must take your time and do not think that is something you can rush into and achieve a positive result. For there to be an enduring relationship that can lead to marriage, you must take your time to build a lasting and trust relationship with the kids. When you start that dating process, you must see these kids as your own and you must begin to interact with these kids right from time. When there is a positive feeling, these kids are going to be happy and your partner would be happier. If the partner notices that the kids are not happy, she would be cautious because she would not know how the end would look like. She would be more interested in keeping these kids happy than any other project you too might have together.

If the kids start to have the feeling that you have to snatch their parents away from them, the outcome of that relationship could uncertain in the end.

Remember that these kids would be craving for their mother’s attention and if you deny that by taking their mother away, they will not be happy at all.

Do not allow the feeling of non-acceptance to develop

If the kids are feeling that you are snatching their mother away from them, they are going to reject you. When the feeling of non-acceptance emerges, then there could be a problem with that relationship. Interact with the kids and try to do things together. You can go out with the kids together and you watch movies together. If there are things the kids like doing, you can begin to do it together with them. All that the kid wants is taking care of them. There should always be a feeling of inclusion and this includes you and the kids. See these kids as step kids and show them, genuine love.

The ex-partner issues

Remember that there is a kind of competition here. The ex-partner is still on the wing and the children would watch you and compare you with the father. Do not make yourself worst that the ex. If they feel that the worse than the ex, then you are going to become their enemy. You must learn how to communicate with the kids. The relationship with these children would be such that they are feeling they are missing something when you are not around. Try to give them gifts. Observe their birthdays and organize birthday parties for them. When these kids notice that you are always there with them, they will always be happy with you.

Jealousy and distrust

The major problem here is that the kids will be feeling jealousy of you and that can bring about distrust. This is always the initial assumption but the way you behave and gain the confidence of these by letting them understand that you are not here to replace your father or to undo the love their father had for them. Never talk any bad thing about their father before them, it can make them hate you especially if the kids are grown.

The way you relate to these kids depends on their age. If the kids are much younger, they could be more rigid in their reasoning but that could not be the case when they are a little bit grown up.

When you show up with the mother, they would have concluded that it is all over between their mother and their father. They should not see you as the cause of that disunity. This situation can make or mar you. If the kids can trust you and do away with distrust then it will be easier to establish a lasting relationship with the woman or even the man as case may be.

Pros and cons

There are pros and cons to dating someone with kids. Someone with kids can be a man or a woman. A man can date a woman with kids and vice versa. The advantages and disadvantages are always the same. Here are some of the advantages.

Sensitive capabilities

The first thing you are going to benefit from this kind of relationship is that the partner is likely going to be more sensitive to your feelings. This could be because of the experiences of the past. If you are dating a man with kids, you would be happier in the relationship because the man is going to be more sensitive and more caring. Whether a mother or father such a person tries to be a good father or mother to the kids and they are going to transfer the caring attitude to the partner. The responsibility of raising kids alone comes with other qualities which include compassion, loyalty as well as selflessness.

Stable relationship

Another great benefit is that the chances of creating a stable and long-lasting relationship would be there. The reason is that he or she must have learned something and they will not come with any of the factors that caused the failure to influence the relationship. One should be expecting a more peaceful and flourishing relationship.

More lovable attitude

Furthermore, the relationship would be better because of the tendency to be more tolerant and accommodating would always be there. The partner is a father as well as a mother because she is performing these roles in the absence of the partner. It is expected that when he or she establishes a new relationship it is to be founded on love, understanding, and tolerance. Those periods without a partner would have thought him or her a lesson. The relationship could likely last longer than one has expected.

Cons

There will not be enough time for you

This partner will not devote enough time for you. available time will be shared between you and the kids. More of his or her attention will be for the kids. The partner is going to schedule most of the time available around the kids. This does not mean that the love is not there. It is there but the commitment would be more on the kids. If you want to date such a person then you must be prepared to deal with that. As time goes on, there would be more time available for you. Even before he or she can honor a date, he has to hire somebody to take care of the kids while he rushes out for the date and comeback. This means that quality time for you would not be there. Dates could be canceled when he or she finds it difficult to get somebody to take care of the house. The only to do at such time is to take the kids, which could be distracting.

Less money for you

Just there would not be sufficient time for you, in the same way, there would not be enough resources to spend on you. This is understandable. The immediate priority is taking care of the kids and money available could not be enough for you and the kids. If you were expecting an extravagant date, you would be disappointed because he would not afford that. Even he will afford it, there are other things about the kids that would be demanding for that resources. You must make do with lower expectations because that is what is available and affordable. He has other responsibilities. The same thing applies to a woman with kids dating a man.

You may not be the priority

If you are in a relationship with a man or a woman with kids, you are not going to the priority. This does not mean there is no love, it only means there are other things of priority and this includes the kids. These kids are the most important thing and they are the priority. The fact is that there is going to be divided attention and more attention will be on the kids. You must bear this in mind when you are engaging in such a relationship.

Jealousy will always be there

The end of a marriage does not mean that the man or the woman will not come to meet the kids. This can cause jealousy. Women are known to be more territorial, and they will not want anything to do with the estranged woman. As far as the kids are there, the woman will be making some inroads to the house. If this situation is not well managed it could lead to severe damage and aggression that follows could be transferred to the kids.

You are sometimes considered an intruder

It is possible that kids especially the more mature ones could be seeing you as an intruder. Children would want their biological parents to stay together and that is why they are not finding it easy to tolerate another man or woman. They can regard such a person as an intruder and this problem is not easy to solve. You can be considered a threat to the family.

Advice for dating someone with kids

Know your boundaries

If you are dating someone with kids, you must know your boundaries and this makes things easier for you, your partner, and the kids. You must be very flexible in your approach. In the same, you must be patient. The kids will eventually accept you but that depends on how things eventually turn out and the role you perform will have a factor in all these. While you have your own life, you do not have to impose it when you are dating the man or the woman. You must walk your way gradually until you are accepted. Do not make anything that makes the kids afraid of you, rather you should walk your way until you are sure you are accepted to the family.

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Know how to deal with the ex-issue

If you are dating somebody’s parent, you should not wish the ex-away. This is because he or she is too much in life. You are not going to replace that easily and the earlier you understand that the better for you. That divorce does not mean that the ex will have to find a way into the family. There would be occasions when he or she has to interact with the kids and that can be a significant moment in their lives and you must take care of that.

You must get along with the kids

You must learn how to get along with the kids even though they are not your own. Your partner is not going to throw his or her kids away to date you. If you are unable to have a good relationship with the kids, then you should know that there is no way that relationship is going to work for you.

If you are good and the kids can accept you, then you are likely going to make it to the family. This factor is very important and it is indispensable. You must be able to love another person’s kids if you want to have a relationship or date a person with kids.

Take it gradually

You must take this issue slowly. The man or the woman has a kid and this means that he or she must have been through a serious or deep relationship. You must approach it slowly and allow time to set in to allow him or her to assimilate you. This issue was said before and it has to be re-emphasized that kids hold the key here. First, you do not know what caused the breakdown in the previous relationship. It might be very contentious and that means that you have to take it gradually until you achieve what you want.

Usually, there is emotional baggage and it may take time for that to heal. Time is the healer of all wounds. Just take it slowly until you can walk yourself into that relationship.

Telling the kids

Dating somebody with kids from a previous marriage is not doomed to fail. The best thing to do is know the goods and bad of it and that can determine how to play along when you start the dating relationship.

Relating with the kids is very important and it goes a long way in determining how that relationship is going to play out. Tell the kids that you are here to make them happy. Let them know that you are not there to replace their father or their mother as the case may be but to make them happy. Tell them that you are concerned about their wellbeing and that you love them. It should go beyond mere statement; you have to show that in action.

When the kids see you for the first time, their minds will be telling them that they have lost one of the parents and this can affect them emotionally. What you tell them at that time can make a great difference. While you may not be able to replace the biological mother or father, you can do something for them like taking good care of them.

Tell them you are a friend, and that you are a new friend that comes to care for them and provide for them. They should see you as a friend that loves them who is there to take care of them in the absence of their mother or their father.

Conclusion

Dating someone with kids is not a bad thing. There may be challenges but these challenges are surmountable if you approach it the correct way. The information provided above will assist you.

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