50 Exemples of Funny text messages for him or her

Funny text messages

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Funny text messages

 

1. Person 1: “Dad theres a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?”

 

Person 1: “Please hurry because im going to cry.”

 

Person 1: “Dad.”

 

Person 1: “Dad?”

 

Person 2: “Dad is dead. Youre next. Love, Moth.”

 

 

2.Person 1: “MOM!!!!! Im pregnant!!!”

 

Person 2: “Honey are you drunk??”

 

Person 1: “Yeah, why?”

 

Person 2: “Youre a boy.”

 

 

3.Person 1: “Hey you left your slaves in my trunk. Do you want me to drive them back to your house?”

 

Person 2: “I dont think theyre mine..”

 

Person 1: “Well they arent Jess’s or Aubrie’s, and im pretty sure they arent mine theyre the wrong color.”

 

Person 1: “What?!”

 

Person 2: “Youve seen mine before, havent you? The black and blue ones? Theyve taken quite a beating since i first got them.

 

Person 2: “Skates*********** stupid autocorrect.”

 

 

4.Person 1: “Hey hunny, did you pick up those assholes yet?”

 

Person 2: “Wrong person dad……”

 

Person 1: “SORRY! That was meant for your mother.”

 

Person 2: “Wait. WHAT ASSHOLES?! DO YOU MEAN ME AND MY SISTER?!”

 

Person 1: “Yes.”

 

Person 2: “…………”

 

 

5.Person 1: “Love you, Kiddo!”

 

Person 2: “Aw thanks! Love you too!”

 

Person 1: “Sorry, wrong person.”

 

 

6.Person 1: “Ive got to tell you something. Are you sitting down?”

 

Person 2: “I am actually. Whats up mom?”

 

Person 1: “Your brother was adopted!”

 

Person 2: “What??? What are you talking about?”

 

Person 2: “Why are you telling me this over text?? Call me.”

 

Person 1: “Oh this damn phone. I wrote accepted and the phone changed it. He got accepted to Yale!”

 

 

7.Person 1: “Everything okay? Havent heard from you in a few days!”

 

Person 2: “Yup! Sorry ma. I just came out of the closet.”

 

Person 1: “Oh Matthew! That is great!”

 

Person 1: “I always had a hunch.”

 

Person 1: “I love you no matter what, so does your father.”

 

Person 2: “Holy Shite! Im not gay ma!”

 

Person 2: “I meant coming out of the clinic now. Autocorrect.”

 

Person 1: ” Oh, i see.”

 

Person 2: “The real problem is, you think im gay!!!”

 

 

8.Person 1: “Dont forget to unload the dishwasher.”

 

Person 1: “Did you finish your homework?”

 

Person 1: “We have to go to your grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving.”

 

Person 1: “Dad and i talked, we are going to buy you a car next month.”

 

Person 2: “You are??? Omg thank you!!”

 

Person 1: “No. Were not. I just wanted to make sure you were getting my texts.”

 

Person 2: “That was cruel.”

 

 

9.Person 1: “Dude, guess what.”

 

Person 2: “What?”

 

Person 1: ” I got kicked out of math today.”

 

Person 2: “Whatd you do?”

 

Person 1: “My teacher asked what came after 69……. Mouthwash wasnt the answer.”

 

 

10.Person 1: “Hey honey. Are you and your boyfriend, Jake, alright?”

 

Person 2: “Um yeah were fine. Whyd you ask?”

 

Person 1: “Oh well i heard you screaming ‘Die you fat evil pig!’…”

 

Person 2: “Mum i wasnt breaking up with him. I was playing Angry Birds.”

 

 

11.Person 1: “How did dads dr. appt. go?”

 

Person 2: “Okay. He has heartburn. Doctor prescribed prostitutes.”

 

Person 2: “2x a day.”

 

Person 1: “Wow! Well in that case i have heartburn too lol.”

 

Person 1: “Best prescription ever!”

 

Person 2: “Oh gosh. Not funny. Prilosec. This is my worst autocorrect ever.”

 

 

12.Person 1: “How is practice going?”

 

Person 2: “Terrible i want to stab everybody here.”

 

Person 1: “Okay just dont get any blood on your clothes.”

 

Person 2: “Youre a police officer. You shouldnt be condoning this.”

 

Person 1: “Dont tell me how to live my life.”

 

 

13.Person 1: “Do you feel like doing something?”

 

Person 2: “I dont think so Patti honey. Its too friggin hot outside. What did you have in mind?”

 

Person 1: “My ex-husband is out with his new girlfriend so i was gunna go over to his place, shut off the A/C, and leave a dead possum on his couch.”

 

Person 2: “Lemme just change.”

 

Funny text messages to send to your friends

 

14.Person 1: “I found your friends phone.”

 

Person 2: “Which friend?”

 

Person 1: “The one whos name is at the top of the screen.”

 

Person 2: “Oh, right. Lol.”

 

Person 1: “Can you tell him i have it please.”

 

Person 1: “Sure.”

 

Person 1: “Some guy has your phone.”

 

 

15.Person 1: “Whats happening is i am utterly fucked. Not even a little bit. A fucking lot. Like two bottles of vodka fucked. Im dictating this to my sober Chinese friend who works in the takeaway. And he has a strange face.”

 

Person 1: “Whoever you are your friend is so drunk. I finish my shift at 1 o’clock and im taking him home. I think you should tell him to go to some sort of meeting. Hes an alcoholic without a doubt. He is also dressed as a wolf. He tried to pee in a chow mein and is chatting to himself. You need to talk to him urgently.”

 

 

16.Person 1: “Any advice for being single on Valentine’s day?”

 

Person 2: “Whenever you see a couple laughing or kissing, start crying and scream at the guy saying…..”

 

Person 2: “‘HOW COULD YOU?! YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME! I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING AND NOW THIS?! ITS OVER!!’ Then slap him and walk away. That would be interesting.”

 

Person 1: “This is why we are best friends.”

 

 

17.Person 1: “Wanna hear a riddle?”

 

Person 2: “Sure.”

 

Person 1: “You have 10 fish. 5 drown. And 3 come back to life. How many do you have now?”

 

Person 2: “8?”

 

Person 1: “Stop counting smart one, fish dont drown.”

 

Person 2: “Oh…”

 

 

18.Person 1: “Hey can i use your car?”

 

Person 2: “Yeah, sure. Just bring it back in an hour.”

Person 1: “Alright.”

 

Person 2: “HEY!! Its been two days where is my car?!”

 

Person 1: “I went past your house and i didnt see your car so i didnt think you were home.”

 

Person 2: “Youre so stupid!”

 

 

19.Person 1: “Heh.. i just put my laundry in the fridge. Sometimes i think im retarded.”

 

Person 2: “Oh, i do that all the time!”

 

Person 1: “Put your laundry in the fridge?”

 

Person 2: “No, i think youre retarded.”

 

 

20.Person 1: “Knock knock”

 

Person 2: “Whos there?”

 

Person 1: “Daisy.”

 

Person 2: “Daisy who?”

 

Person 1: “DAISY ME ROLLIN, THEY HATIN'”

 

Person 2: “We can be seen together anymore.”

 

 

21.Person 1: “Hey.”

 

Person 2: “Yeah?”

 

Person 1: “When i die..”

 

Person 2: “Uh huh.”

 

Person 1: “Go to my funeral and dramatically fall to your knees in front of my caskut and yell ‘WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!”

 

Person 2: “Challenge accepted.”

 

 

22.Person 1: “Hey dude wanna hang out today?”

 

Person 2: “No can do.”

 

Person 1: “Why? What are you doing?”

 

Person 2: “Shuffling.”

 

Person 1: “And tomorrow?”

 

Person 2: “No.”

 

Person 1: “?????!”

 

Person 2: “Cause EVERYDAY IM SHUFFLING!”

 

 

23.Person 1: “FOOOOOOOOOOD”

 

Person 2: “Food is such a sexual word.”

 

Person 1: “It kinda is.”

 

Person 2: “I mean is has F for Fucking, OO is the sound you make while doing it, and D is kinda self explanatory.”

 

Person 1: “Oh my Jessica.”

 

Person 2: “ITS TRUE!”

 

 

24.Person 1: “Hot guy on your right.”

 

Person 2: “Saw him, faked a sneeze so hed say bless you to me. A player got moves like Jagger.”

 

Person 1: “DAMN youre good….. Im gunna go trip so he asks me if im okay and touches me.”

 

Person 2: “You tripped amazingly!!!! But omg he sees us texting each other….. Hes onto us!!!! MISSION ABORT!!!! MISSION ABORT!!!!”

 

 

25.Person 1: “I need to ask you something and i want you to be totally honest with me, it might be awkward with us after this but i have to know how you feel. I have kept this in for a while and its about time i was straight up and i confront you about it. I hope this doesnt ruin the relationship we already have. I just need to know and i cant see any other way to get over this, it just doesnt seem fair on me if i dont get an answer. I want you to tell me truthfully, no matter what it is, i just want your honest opinion…… do you know the muffin man?”

 

 

26.Person 1: “Hey can you listen to 47 its like the best song there is.”

 

Person 2: “No way that song is old!”

 

Person 1: “Well your mom is old but you still listen to her.”

 

Person 2: “Well played my friend.”

 

 

27.Person 1: “Im dating a banana!!”

 

Person 2: “Youre dating a banana?!”

 

Person 1: “Lol NO!! I meant eating a banana. Why would i date a banana?”

 

Person 2: “Because youre desperate.”

 

Person 1: “……”

 

Funny text messages for him

28.Person 1: “I love you so much! Marry me!”

 

Person 2: “You proposed to me through a text?”

 

Person 1: “Yeah, isnt it original?”

 

Person 2: “If you can propose through a text, can i break up with you through a text?”

 

Person 1: “….”

 

 

29.Person 1: “My love”

 

Person 1: “If you are smiling, send me your smiles.”

 

Person 1: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.”

 

Person 1: “If you are crying, send me your tears….”

 

Person 1: “I love you.”

 

Person 2: “I am in the toilet, what do i send?”

 

 

30.Person 1: “Can you please make sure to do the laundry if you are home?”

 

Person 2: “You bitch.”

 

Person 2: “WOW! Worst auto correct ever. You BETCHA”

 

Person 1: “OMG!! Are you serious? I just showed everyone at work…. too funny”

 

Person 2: “Yeah. Thats one for the history books right there.”

 

 

31.Person 1: “Youre so beautiful.”

 

Person 1: “Let me take you out. I wanna get you a table at Liv.”

 

Person 1: “Girl i wanna write a song about us.”

 

Person 1: “What do you want me to call it?”

 

Person 2: “Restraining Order.”

 

 

32.Person 1: “Hey you were in my dream last night.”

 

Person 2: “Omg you were in mine too!”

 

Person 1: “In mine we were living on a farm had six kids and a pet unicorn”

 

Person 2: “awww”

 

Person 1: “What about yours?”

 

Person 2: “…….you died in a fire…..”

 

 

33.Person 1: “Hey remember that sweatshirt i borrowed a while back?”

 

Person 2: “Yeah… what about it?”

 

Person 1: “Just letting you know, the only reason youll get it back is because its lost its scent.”

 

Person 1: “Ill expect it back as soon as you have made it smell like you.”

 

Person 2: “Thats fine. Mostly because when it comes back, it smells like you.”

 

Person 1: “awww. Good answer.”

 

 

34.Person 1: “I think i like this girl.”

 

Person 2: “Really? Who?”

 

Person 1: “Ummmm, she kinda looks like you.”

 

Person 2: “Awww is it me?”

 

Person 1: “No, your sister.”

 

Person 2: “….”

 

 

35.Person 1: “Dont you think its funny how the person youre going to marry is on this earth as of right now?”

 

Person 2: “Yeah, haha. Thats weird.”

 

Person 1: “Dont you ever wonder what theyre doing?”

 

Person 2: “Nope. I already know. Shes texting me.”

 

Person 1: “AWWWW”

 

Person 2: “But she just went to bed so im texting you now.”

 

Person 1: “…..”

 

 

36.Person 1: “Hey babe wanna come over later?”

 

Person 2: “What are we gunna do?”

 

Person 1: “Give ya a hint, it involves screaming, covers and pillows”

 

Person 2: “OMG! We are going to build a fort and pretend we are pirates under attack!”

 

Person 1: “This is why i love you”

 

 

37.Person 1: “How much do you love me?”

 

Person 2: “Well, look at the stars and count them. Thats how much i love you.”

 

Person 1: “But its morning.”

 

Person 2: “Exactly”

 

 

38.Person 1: “Hey what you up to?”

 

Person 2: “Why are you texting me? You broke up with me remember you jerk. Last week you told me that we were over.”

 

Person 1: “Babe… my dad took my phone last week and gave it to my brother for the camping trip”

 

Person 2: “Oh im gunna kill him”

 

Person 1: “Too late, im already chasing him around the yard”

 

Person 2: “NO FAIR! WAIT FOR ME!”

 

 

39.Person 1: “Dont you just hate being single on Valentine’s day?”

 

Person 2: “Yeah, its so annoying… i wish i had a girlfriend”

 

Person 1: “Well, youre single. Im single..”

 

Person 1: “We dont have to be single on Valentine’s day. Maybe we should…”

 

Person 2: “…..sign up for Match.com good idea!”

 

 

40.Person 1: “Who do you like?!?!?!”

 

Person 2: “Not telling you!!!!”

 

Person 1: “C’mon who do you like?”

 

Person 2: “FINE! Turn your Iphone off and stare at the screen till you find out.”

 

Person 1: “Huh? Dont understand…”

 

Person 2: “hehehehe”

 

 

41.Person 1: “Baby before i go real quick i want to remind you how much i love you! Baby youre the love of my life and i am never going to leave you and let you go! I love you with all my heart and you have my heart baby! You are seriously my high school sweetheart and no doubt in my mind the love of my life! Baby every day you are running through my mind 24/7 and i love it! Baby i cannot wait to see you Friday! I love you so much! I love your kisses, your hugs, your eyes, your smile, your personality, oh and how could i forget about DAT ASS THO! Baby i love you so much and it mean so much to me when you were there at my banquet last night! Thank you so much baby!

 

Funny text messages for her

42.Person 1: “I need help with a math problem. Help?”

 

Person 2: “Sure, anything. What is it?”

 

Person 1: “How do you simplify 2i<6u?”

 

Person 2: “Easy. i<3u”

 

Person 1: “Awe! I<3 u too”

 

Person 2: “wooooooooow…”

 

 

43.Person 1: “Honey can you write a poem to me?”

 

Person 2: “Sure.”

 

Person 2: “Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in a zoo, but dont worry ill be there too, not in a cage but laughing at you.”

 

Person 1: “Thats so cute, wanna see me do a magic trick?”

 

Person 2: “Hahaha glad you liked it and sure.”

 

Person 1: “Poof, youre single.”

 

 

44.Person 1: “Hey you asked me if id know the dream of every girl… now i know it!”

Person 2: “Haha okkay tell me what you think.”

 

Person 1: “Its to find the perfect guy right?”

 

Person 2: “Pffffffftt yeahhhhhhh right…. hahaha. Our dream is to eat without getting fat.”

 

 

45.Person 1: “How do i tell Chris i like him though? These things are so hard.”

 

Person 2: “You just did Ellie.”

 

Person 1: “Oh my gosh, im so sorry! That was to Jenna!”

 

Person 2: “Her name isnt even close to mine though..Did you send this on purpose to me? Dont worry if you did.”

 

Person 1: “Maybe.. does that mean you like me too?”

 

Person 2: “No.”

 

 

46.Person 1: “K”

 

Person 2: “One letter? 1 freaking letter? Are you kidding me? I typed a freaking paragraph. And you reply with one letter.”

 

Person 1: ” Sorry babe! Ill try to reply better next time. I love you so much! Youre the best!”

 

Person 2: “K”

 

 

47.

 

Person 1: “Want to play a game?”

 

Person 2: “Sure”

 

Person 2: “What game?”

 

Person 1: “Any game youd like except hide and go seek”

 

Person 2: “Why????”

 

Person 1: “Its impossible to find a girl like you?”

 

 

48.

 

Person 1: “Come here now”

 

Person 2: “Come pick me up!”

 

Person 1: “You can drive”

 

Person 2: “I know babe i know!”

 

Person 2: “But i dont have a car”

 

Person 1: “Come onnn”

 

Person 1: “Steal one!”

 

Person 2: “I dont steal…”

 

Person 1: “Yeah you do… you stole my heart”

 

 

49.

 

Person 1: “Baby! Can i take you out tonight? Maybe to the movies?”

 

Person 2:” NO! ID RATHER EAT SHITE THAN GO OUT WITH YOU!”

 

Person 1: “Ummmm are you on your period?”

 

Person 2: “Yupppp”

 

Person 1: “Ill be there in 5 mins with chocolate and hot cheetos along with some movies”

 

Person 2: “Aww thats why i love you”

 

 

50.

 

Person 1: “Hey”

 

Person 2: “Theres something i need to tell you”

 

Person 1: “Me too! Same time. GO!”

 

Person 2: “Im breaking up with you”

 

Person 1: “Will you marry me?”

 

Person 2: “Well this is awkward…”

 

 

51.

 

Person 1: “Baby…”

 

Person 2: “Dont ‘baby’ me”

 

Person 1: “Baby…”

 

Person 2: “Seriously?”

 

Person 1: “Baby…”

 

Person 2: “Are you retarded?”

 

Person 1: “Noooo…”

 

Person 2: “Did you really just respond with Justin Bieber lyrics as i break up with you?”

 

 

52.

 

Person 1: “I love you”

 

Person 2: “I love you too”

 

Person 1: “Prove it! Tell the world that you love me”

 

Person 2: “I LOVE YOU!”

 

Person 1: “Why do you tell me? I said tell the world”

 

Person 2: “You are my world”

 

 

53.

 

Person 1: “I love you! You are the only man i will ever love!”

 

Person 2: “I love you too but im sorry you wont be the only girl i love”

 

Person 1: “What?”

 

Person 2: “In about 2 weeks our baby girl when im holding her in my arms for the first time”

 

Person 1: “AWWW!”

 

 

54.

 

Person 1: “Hey baby!”

 

Person 2: “I hate my life”

 

Person 1: “Why? Youre beautiful, funny and all-around amazing!”

 

Person 2: “Cuz… i lost my laptop”

 

Person 1: “Oh! Thats what i was gunna tell you babe, you left it over at my house. Wanna come over? We can do whatever we want, my parents arent home.”

 

Person 2: “YESSSS! MY LAPTOP!”

 

 

55.

 

Person 1: “I still want you”

 

Person 2: “Of course you do, im fucking perfect.”

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