Relationships of any kind are rarely easy or simple – after all, love is an incredibly strong emotion. Letting go of longtime or unchecked feelings can be a very complicated process and sometimes, one or both parties realize that letting go of those feelings might not actually be a viable option. Is there a man in your life, a friend, colleague, or an ex-lover, that is giving off vibes that he wants more with you? That he just might have feelings for you? An ex that seems to have trouble letting go? Many men are not as vocal as women, especially when it comes to their emotions, and it can be sometimes hard to tell what they are really thinking. Luckily, they are actually decipherable, you just need to know exactly what to look for. Here are 10 signs that he is fighting his feelings for you (and what you can or should do about it).
Ten Signs He Is Fighting His Feelings For You
1. You Can Read His Obvious Body Language
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news fellas, but most of the time, your body will give up the secrets that your mouth tries to keep locked away – it’s just human nature. While he might not come right out and say that he has feelings for you and that he is in fact fighting those feelings, his body language will more than likely give him away anyway. Just a few of the most common body language signals or movements to keep an eye out for:
Sneaking glances at you but avoiding eye contact: Do you know how you can sometimes feel someone’s eyes on you? You can literally feel it? Yea, if he seems to keep sneaking glances, that is a sign of interest, especially if he avoids making or maintaining eye contact.
Leaning in closer to you: While having a conversation, you will notice that he keeps leaning into your ‘personal space’, getting closer and closer to you. This is a good indication that he wants to be close to you, and that he likely is interested in you.
Goes out of his way to touch you (your arm, shoulder, hand, leg, etc.): Making physical contact pretty much screams ‘interested in making a connection’. The fact that he feels the need to touch you (or he can’t help himself) makes it transparently clear that there is some type of attraction.
Turning his body in your direction: When someone rotates their body to face you it shows that they have an interest in what you have to say as well as having their undivided attention. This is usually involuntary – he likely doesn’t even know he is doing it.
Pay attention to his facial expressions: Does he constantly smile at you? Bite or suck in his lip when speaking with you? Facial expressions, and even micro-expressions, can be super telling. These are just a few signs that there is something he is likely holding back.
Changing his stance and/or posture: When a guy stands up straighter or puffs up their chest when you enter a room, it is usually an indication that he likes or wants to be with you. He wants to look his best and this is usually instinctive and unconscious.
2. He Seems to Be Extra Moody
Trying to hide or run from your own feelings is much like fighting a never-ending war against yourself. And, that situation can turn anyone into a little bit of a bi-polar bear. When anyone (but men, in particular) are fighting against their own feelings and emotions, they can tend to get a bit moody. Maybe even lashing out at those around them, including you – the object of his desire. If he seems to be extra mood-change-y as of late, there’s a really good chance he is battling some sort of feelings for you – especially if the moodiness happens in conjunction with any of the other signs listed.
3. Putting On a Show
Has he been showing off lately? Bragging about a new promotion or raise at work? Loudly and proudly announcing his positive attributes when you are in the vicinity? Men can sometimes brag and boast to – make themselves look better in your eyes, trying to impress you, as well as making themselves a more desirable option for their preferred mate. If he goes out of his way to show you how funny, handsome, talented, smart (you get the picture) he is, he could very well have some secret feelings that he isn’t ready for you to know about (but can’t deny to himself).
4. Keeps Wanting to Talk About the ‘Good Times
Does he keep wanting to take gushing trips down memory lane? Constantly reminiscing about the time that you have spent together? Consistently wanting to relive special times and occasions that he has shared with you is a pretty good indicator that there are some strong feelings there. It could be his way of reliving his treasured moments with you, but without having to be upfront about why, exactly, they happen to mean so much to him.
5. You are Often the Topic of Conversation with Mutual Friend
Although some men are not exactly the type to shout about their love from the nearest rooftop, they can sometimes give themselves away in other relatively obvious ways – such as never shutting up about you. This can happen almost unintentionally, with him not even really trying to steer the conversation your way, it just kind of happens. People start noticing that he talks about you all. Of. the. Time. and it quickly becomes clear that he is into you – even if he doesn’t want to admit it. If your mutual friends tell you that he regularly tries to bring you up in conversation, he probably has feelings for you that he is not quite ready to accept (or tell you, or anyone else, about).
6. He Has Become Increasingly Protective
When a man cares for you, even if he is not willing to admit it to himself, they seem to be unable to help but to become protective of you in basically every way. Clearly, it is because they care for you and want to keep you safe, but they also presumably want you to see them as strong and capable. Even if he hasn’t faced his own feelings, if he continuously goes out of his way to be protective of you and/or of your friendship, there is a very good chance that those feelings run fairly deep.
7. There are Signs of Jealousy
Let me ask you a couple of questions. Does he get upset whenever you mention another guy? Does he seem to have or get an attitude with any potential love interests that you choose to bring around? Does he put them down, point out their flaws, or simply tell you that they are not good enough for you? Jealousy is a completely normal and natural emotion, especially when it is regarding someone that you truly care about. Showing blatant signs of jealousy is a clear cut sign that he is fighting strong emotions for you. This can also go the other way, with him using another person or actions to make you jealous. Regardless, it needs to be addressed, fairly quickly because jealousy, many times, can and will escalate.
8. He Contacts You Throughout the Day
Even if, internally, he is actively trying to fight the feelings that he has for you, he likely won’t be able to resist making contact with you throughout the day. And, more than likely, on a fairly regular basis. Calling, texting, and stopping by are simply ways for him to feel close to you, but in a safe (for him) way. It lets him be able to spend quality time with you, even if it is just chatting, without having to face up to emotions that he is not quite ready to face. If you are constantly hearing from him, he probably has some sort of feelings for you. Even if he is not willing to admit that to you or anyone else…yet.
9. He Makes Excuses to Be in Your Presence
When you have feelings for someone, whether you are ready to confront those emotions or not, you can’t help but want to be around and spend time with them. Whether it be crashing get-togethers with mutual friends or simply showing up at your place to regularly ‘hang out’. If he has been making excuses to be around you recently, he is probably harboring some strong feelings for you.
10. He Tells You He Has/Still Has Feelings For You
“I love you and want to be with you.” I mean, you can’t get much clearer than that (although it will probably be a bit more subtle). While it might be rare, if he comes out and admits that he has feelings for you, he has likely been fighting them for a significant period of time. But, keep in mind that not every man is not so blunt. Listen carefully, he could be proclaiming his undying love for you – but not exactly saying it in those specific words. A metaphorical slip of the tongue is more common than not – particularly when you are consciously trying to hold something in.
What to do when he is fighting his feelings for you?
First things first, how do you really feel about him? And, really be honest with yourself. If the feelings are mutual, then open, and honest communication is always going to be the best option. Confessing your own strong feelings might encourage him to do the same. If you do not feel the same way about him, then it gets a little bit trickier. The most important thing to keep in mind is that you want to let him down easy. Stay away from any of the regularly used cliched and patronizing pretenses such as ‘It’s not you, it’s me”. Complete and clear honesty is the best way to go about it. Tell him the truth but not in a harsh way. Making a misstep here could irrevocably damage the friendship for good.
Why do guys fight their feelings?
Ah, an age-old question, and a very, very good one. But, unfortunately, there is no one easy or simple answer. Many different factors will come into play. It could be due to previous negative experiences, the way that he was raised, or the situation itself. It can also be a scary proposition – putting yourself out there and being vulnerable. Many boys are taught from a young age that they have to be tough and to ‘suck it up’ and as such it is almost ingrained into their psyche. When faced with strong and overpowering feelings for someone, someone that they might have a history with, it can be difficult and uncomfortable for them to verbalize.
How do you tell if a man secretly has feelings for you?
Even when we don’t realize it, our subconscious can pick up on certain things regarding those around us, including getting a notion that someone seems to have feelings for you. If you feel it in your gut, then you are likely right – he probably has secret feelings for you, which he could very well be fighting against. If it is something that you would be interested in, feel free to make the first move, be blunt about it, and let him know that the feeling is mutual. BUT, you should also be cautious as there are many people (men and women alike) that will try to manipulate you and the signs can sometimes look the same.
Human instinct is an incredibly astute and powerful thing. And, feelings and true intentions can be extremely difficult to fully conceal. It is in our nature to pick up on even the smallest of signals so if you believe that the signs are there, then they more than likely are. All that is left is to figure out what it is that you want to do with the information. Making a move should be the very next step – staying in a holding pattern is not healthy…for anyone. Even if he has been fighting his emotions, that does not mean that those feelings have stopped growing. And, because of this, it is better to have it sorted out sooner rather than later.