Love is most certainly a fickle thing. It is also an extremely powerful emotion. Being, or falling, in love can be one of the most rewarding experiences you will ever experience, as well as being one of the most painful. It can be especially painful when your former, or even current lover moves on to another relationship, particularly when you still have feelings invested. The situation is also likely to be confusing – does he love her, or is it me that he loves? Tormenting yourself with the possibilities is not healthy for anyone. Here are 13 signs that he loves the other woman – and what you should do about it.
13 Signs that He Loves the Other Woman
1. The Dynamic Between the Two of You Has Noticeably Changed:
Too many people ignore their natural instincts. You know, that feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach? Your wise (although sometimes annoying) inner voice? If your gut is telling you that your significant other has truly developed feelings for another woman, he most likely has. You can usually feel a shift in the dynamic of your relationship. Things aren’t the way they used to be, the closeness is gone, the bond is broken.
2. Changes in Behavior, Characteristics, and/or Dialect:
When people first fall in love, they tend to pick up certain characteristics of their new and exciting love interest, essentially copying many of the traits of their new partner. Whether it be the way that they dress, speak, or act, if your lover is now mimicking another woman, there is a very good chance that he has fallen in love with her.
3. He Has Become Distant and/ or Short-Tempered:
If he has in fact fallen in love with the other woman, he could very well be feeling a bit guilty. It’s a normal human reaction and one that most of the time cannot be controlled or avoided. This can result in him lashing out at you, displaying uninitiated anger, or having a short temper. If he seems to be getting upset with you frequently, or for seemingly no reason, it might be due to his new love for the other woman in his life. This would be a great time to go your separate ways as the misplaced anger and resentment could very well escalate.
4. Emotional Detachment:
Becoming emotionally detached from you and the relationship is a huge red flag, and probably one of the first to rear its evil head. Changing the way he is towards you could very well indicate that he has, in fact, fallen in love with someone else. What was once a caring, kind, and amenable man has now become cold, distant, and harsh towards you – it can be unnerving. This has nothing to do with anything you have done or not done per se but is more in reaction to the guiltiness he feels for deceiving both someone he once loved and the one that he now does.
5. Suddenly Become Financially Conscious:
Not wanting to spend money on a relationship he no longer considers significant is often one of the first signs that there is another woman on his mind. One that he feels is more deserving of the gifts and finances that he used to be happy to share with you. This could also be due to him conforming to the other woman’s outlook, especially if she happens to be more financially stable or values financial responsibility more so than the two of you used to.
6. He Only Comes Around When He Wants or Needs Something:
Whether this is an ongoing love triangle or he is a recent ex with a new prospect, the relationship that he gravitates to regularly is likely the one that matters the most to him. If he is only visiting or coming around when he wants or needs something from you (including but not limited to bedroom proclivities), you should be questioning his motives and where he is spending the rest of his time. If it is with the other woman, and be prepared to find out that it is, then it is probably time to accept his undeniable feelings for her. You must put your foot down and stop being accessible to his every whim. It is not fair to the other woman and is certainly unfair to you.
7. He Has Made a Serious Commitment To or With the Other Woman (and makes no secret of it):
Although more common in ex-relationships, depending on the level of his brazenness, it can also happen to those who are currently still dating and/or living together. Making a commitment to the other woman, moving in together, proposing, etc., is a pretty clear sign of his blossoming love for her. This is especially true if he chooses to be open and transparent about it. It becomes blatantly obvious that he cares little about hurting you or damaging the bond that you thought that you shared.
8. He Has Changed His Future Plans:
Love is one of the strongest emotions a person can feel, and it can make someone do seemingly strange things, such as adopting the habits, hobbies, and future plans of their love interest. If you have noticed that he has done a complete 180 regarding his, and/or your, future, he might be attempting to take his place in the other woman’s world. A new path leads to a new future, and the other woman is probably a big part of it.
9. He Seems to Always Be Elsewhere When You’re Together:
Not being present in the moment is one of the first hints that all might not be right in the relationship and that he has started to feel strongly for the other woman. When people are fully and completely invested in the relationship, their focus undoubtedly will be on it and you. However, if he seems to rather be elsewhere, chances are he actually would prefer to be elsewhere, likely with the woman that now holds his heart.
10. She Is a Frequent Topic of Conversation:
If he is, in fact, in love with the other woman, it usually is quite obvious because he won’t want to shut up about her. He will look for ways to speak her name. Even if this other woman is the ‘supposed to be side chick’, and, you would think, at least somewhat being kept a secret, he will find ways to bring her into the conversation. If he is constantly bringing her name up or steering the conversation towards her, it would not be too far of a reach to say that the guy is in love, but unfortunately, it’s with the other woman.
11. He Is Suddenly Hard to Get Ahold Of:
You keep calling him, over and over, but to no avail. He refuses to answer, respond, or call you back. He doesn’t seem too interested in keeping in contact with you. This was a guy that never missed a call, text, Snapchat, or even email from you, typically replying within moments each and every time, but now you can barely get an acknowledgment. Ouch. That can be super painful, however, this is a massive red flag that should not be ignored. If he has become super hard to get a hold of, it could be that he is where he wants to be – with who he really wants to be with.
12. Spending More Quality Time with Her Than You:
This one should be fairly obvious but when you are in love, especially new love, you want to spend every waking moment with that person. You simply cannot get enough of them. If this time is not being spent by your side, he could be (and likely is) with her, and if he is with her all of the time, he probably has some very strong feelings for her. As hard as it may be, take the hint. Find someone that wants to and enjoys spending their time with you.
13. Verbal Expression of Love:
If your Prince Charming is running around telling everyone how much he loves the other woman, well, then that would be a pretty clear cut sign of how he feels. True, some men (and women!) will say that they have stronger feelings than they actually do for one reason or another, but they are not likely to want to announce this false love to the entire world. If he is making his love for her well-known – you should believe him.
Healthy Ways to Let Go:
Acceptance is the first hurdle (and it is an admittedly big one), but now that you know, as painful as it might be, you can finally start to heal. And, although you might not believe it right now, that is actually a good thing. It sucks but knowing is always better than not knowing. Prepare yourself for a little cliche : Everything happens for a reason. A truer statement has never been typed. It may not seem this way at the moment but he has really given you a precious gift – the gift of moving on. You can now let go and do it in the healthiest way possible. Here are the dos and don’ts of doing just that.
- Do embrace acceptance: This is quite possibly one of the most important steps that you will make throughout your ordeal. Although possibly painful, it really is better to know. Now, you can let go, begin the healing process, and start to move on.
- Don’t fixate: Knowing that he is actually in love with another woman can be a very hurtful, even traumatic, experience, leaving you with, at the very least, a wounded ego. Try to avoid getting lost in that. Attempting to fight for, or hold onto, a relationship that is clearly over will only cause everyone more heartache in the long run – and it will never be the same even if you succeed.
- Do fully process the situation: After dealing with such a crushing blow, you might be tempted to make some not so smart decisions, such as rushing into a new relationship or taking a risk that could be dangerous. Don’t. You need to take time to really deal with what happened and process the emotions that come with it. Then address it in the right way.
- Don’t overthink things: It is natural to look inside yourself while trying to understand what went wrong, but there is a fine line between understanding and taking the blame. If he loves the other woman, it is highly probable that it literally has nothing to do with you. It does not mean that you are lacking in any way – the heart wants what the heart wants. Accept that human emotions can be changeable.
- Do find ways to occupy your time (and your mind): Get out. Visit with friends. Meet new people. Reconnect with old pals. Keep yourself busy. Don’t wallow in your misery, stay away from the what-ifs, keep moving forward, and get on with your new life.
- Don’t rush into anything: While meeting new people is a great idea, it is not smart to jump into a new relationship before you have given yourself a sufficient amount of time to process the old one. You have to heal completely before you can really care for another.
Passion. Love. Infatuation. Heartache. They all, unfortunately, go hand in hand. When you open your heart and soul to another person, you expect them to take care of them. So, understandably, the betrayal and feelings of rejection caused by him falling for the other woman can run deep. It is how you deal with the hurt that truly matters. Turn it into a positive. Just because he is in love with the other woman, it does not reflect badly on you – you did nothing to deserve it. People fall in and out of love all the time. Feelings change. It happens to the best of us. Take it in, work through it, and move onto someone much more worthwhile. Happy hunting!